


DIB'S NICE-MARE

by darkspacelord



Series: Theoretical Episode Scripts [2]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Canon Compliant, Comedy, Crack, Gen, THIS IS A FANSCRIPT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:35:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24209803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkspacelord/pseuds/darkspacelord
Summary: ***HOPEFULLY AO3 FORMATS THIS RIGHT I MIGHT POST THIS SOMEWHERE ELSE BUT THIS IS A FAN-SCRIPT FOR A HYPOTHETICAL EPISODE***Zim has come up with a new plan to stop Dib. This time he has something that will force him to be nice until he accidentally spills it on himself. Dib soon finds out the most terrifying his enemy can do is call him "best-friend".
Series: Theoretical Episode Scripts [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092470
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	DIB'S NICE-MARE

**INT. ZIM’S BASE**

_ZIM is standing in the middle of his base as he holds up a vial of yellow liquid (definitely not pee). GIR flies a paper airplane around the lab._

ZIM  
_(Triumphantly)_  
Finally! I’ve come up with the perfect plan to stop Dib! He will be no threat after I pour this liquid on him!

GIR  
Oh! What does it dooooo!

ZIM  
This concoction will make it so that Dib will be unable to resist the urge to be nice! He can’t stop me if he has to be nice! (He laughs evilly) I am truly a genius!

GIR  
I want to drink it!

ZIM  
No Gir! This is for the Dib!

_GIR approaches ZIM and ZIM backs away towards his computer, panicked._

ZIM  
No Gir! No! Get away from me before you-

_GIR reaches for the vial, knocking ZIM backwards. ZIM drops the vial and it shatters on top of him. He is covered in the yellow liquid._

ZIM  
No! Now I’m all sticky with this horrible liquid. Gir you- 

_ZIM pauses and suddenly a glint appears in his eyes. He smiles innocently. It is the most cursed thing you have laid your eyes on._

GIR  
Are you going to be maaaad?

ZIM  
Why would I be mad? We all make mistakes sometimes. 

_ZIM stands up and pats GIR on the head. GIR looks up at ZIM, worried._

GIR  
What happened to master? 

ZIM  
Right here! Let’s go watch that scary monkey show you love so much!

_GIR screams and runs away. ZIM’s face returns to normal._

ZIM  
Oh no! Why am I being nice? It must be the concoction I made. No! An Invader can’t be nice! This is horrible! (His eyes glisten again) But being nice is so wonderful! (He frowns) No! I must resist but I- can’t.

**INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM**

DIB is sitting in his desk near the window doodling a picture of a ghost. MS. BITTERS is sitting in front of the chalkboard. ZIM’s desk remains unoccupied. 

MS. BITTERS  
And this is why you are all doomed forever to be slaves to society.

_DIB turns towards ZIM’s desk._

DIB  
Huh, I wonder where Zim is. Him being late is never a good sign.

_The door to the classroom opens revealing ZIM dressed in an apron and wearing gloves. He is holding a plate of muffins and a huge smile is upon his face. His eyes are glistening as they were earlier._

DIB  
Zim! You brought muffins. What are you up to? Trying to poison the other students?

ZIM  
No silly! I brought these to feed the class because I just know how much you lovely humans, who I’m one of, just love muffins! Especially you Dibbleton!

DIB  
I know this is a part of your plan Zim! You can’t fool me! And uh, don’t call me Dibbleton ever again.

_ZIM walks towards DIB and pushes the plate of muffins towards him. He places one on his desk._

ZIM  
I made it just for you, my best friend Dibbles. Come on, it’s pudding flavored!

DIB  
For the last time Zim, I don’t love pudding and that would make a disgusting muffin flavor. And uh, what exactly did you put in those muffins.

_ZIM picks up one of the muffins. Sausages are sticking out of it._

ZIM  
This one is meat flavored. (He picks up another muffin, this time it has screws in it.) And this one is metal flavored! I figured the extra iron would make it more nutritious. 

DIB  
That’s not even iron! And you take back this muffin. I’m not eating whatever you baked.

ZIM  
Ah, come on, Dibbles. Is it because your stomach is hurting? Do you need to see the doctor?

DIB  
No! And my name isn’t Dibbleton or Dibbles or whatever stupid name your going to come up with next. It’s Dib! And stop being all, weirdly nice. It’s freaking me out.

ZIM  
I’m just trying to be friendly with my pal Dib! (He nudges Dib). 

DIB  
I’m not your pal! We’re enemies. I’ve always hated your plans but this, this is the worst. I think I’m going to barf if you continue being this nice.

ZIM  
_(Turning towards the classroom)_ Who else wants muffins?

RANDOM CLASSMATE #1  
I do!

RANDOM CLASSMATE #2  
Me too!

_Several classmates take muffins from the tray ZIM is holding. They munch on it before looking disgusted at the muffins and chucking them in the trash._

ZIM  
I made them all with love and care, the same love and care I have for all of you!

MS. BITTERS  
Sit down before you disgust us all with your horrid positiveness. 

_ZIM sits down in his seat and pulls out a large present. He walks over to DIB and hands it to him._

ZIM  
I got you a present, my bestest pal!

DIB  
I’m not opening anything you give me!

ZIM  
Are your hands too tired? Here! I’ll open it for you!

_ZIM opens the present and pulls out a large book labeled ‘CRYPTOLOGY VOL. 509’. He hands it to DIB._

DIB  
Cryptology Volume 509? I have all 508 volumes but not this one! Wow! Wait, no I can’t take this. I know there is something hiding in this book Zim. 

ZIM  
I snuck in your house and saw you didn’t have it so I got it for you with express ten minute shipping! 

_The sound of a truck can be heard just before it slams through the skool building. A truck driver exits the flaming vehicle and hands ZIM a package._

TRUCK DRIVER  
Here is your package. And uh, how much would I have to pay you for you to not to tell my boss it took me eleven minutes instead of ten to deliver this to you?

ZIM  
Thank you kind sir. I won’t tell anyone. Here, have these moneys as a tip. (He hands him five dollars).

TRUCK DRIVER  
Wow! This is more than the bossman gives me in a week! Thank you strange green boy! 

_The TRUCK DRIVER leaves and ZIM opens the package in front of the classroom._

DIB  
Where did you even get earth money from?

ZIM  
I bought lasers for the entire class! 

_ZIM hands out lasers to each classmate. The entire class plays with them, setting random objects on fire._

DIB  
What are you thinking, buying the entire class lasers? Is this your plan? 

ZIM  
Don’t worry Dib. I got a laser for you too! (He places a laser on Dib’s desk). And after skool we can spend time together and I can order you food and we can get icecream and go on paranormal hunts!

DIB  
Zim! You're scaring me, please stop! I don’t think I can take much more of this niceness. Talk about your mission and how you're going to destroy the earth. Please! Anything but this. 

ZIM  
Why would I destroy earth? That would be mean to all the wonderful humans!

DIB  
Okay, I can’t imagine you being this good of an actor. What is going on?

ZIM  
What’s the matter Dib-pal? Maybe a hug to cheer you up?

 _ZIM opens his arms and approaches DIB. DIB looks horrified as he leans back._

DIB  
_(Turning towards MS. BITTERS)_ Ms. Bitters, may I be excused? I need to use the bathroom. And scream forever into the void.

MS. BITTERS  
Alright but be quick. There is a five minute limit on void screaming.

_DIB rushes out of his seat and out of the classroom._

**INT. BATHROOM**

_DIB is hiding in one of the stalls, visibly shaking and his knees up as he sits in the corner._

DIB  
This isn’t real. This is just a bad dream. Zim is still in his lab scheming something awful I’m sure.

_The door to the bathroom swings open and DIB sees ZIM’s boots. He screams._

DIB  
Don’t get any closer Zim!

ZIM  
I’m not here to be nice. I’m resisting it for now. I must reluctantly ask for your help. I can’t take this ‘niceness’ much longer. 

DIB  
What made you like this?

ZIM  
I spilled a concoction on myself that forces me to be filled with urgh, niceness. I need to find a way to reverse this. 

DIB  
Uh, I might be able to make something in my dad’s lab. Anything to get you to stop this nauseating niceness act.

ZIM  
Take me there immediately! I can’t take this anymore. I just want to be a proper Ziiiim!

 **INT. PROFESSOR MEMBRANE’S LAB**

_DIB wears a lab coat as he mix various liquids together. ZIM is standing in the corner looking cheery._

DIB  
There has to be something!

ZIM  
You’re doing such a great job Dib! I always knew you could do it!

DIB  
Here, try this. 

_DIB holds a vial of blue liquid and pours it on ZIM. Nothing happens._

DIB  
Huh, that was supposed to work.

ZIM  
How about we just be pals? You don’t have to fix this ‘niceness’ out of me because then I’ll just be mean and that wouldn’t be fun at all for my best friend! (He nudges Dib).

DIB  
No! I won’t be your ‘best friend’. Though, if you were nice, I wouldn’t have to fight you anymore and you wouldn’t destroy earth.

_DIB places a hand on his chin. A scene of his daydream appears involving a montage of ZIM being nice to DIB. ZIM hands DIB a cake with the words “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” on it. The next scene ZIM is giving him a pair of ghost hunting goggles. In the last scene ZIM pours DIB tea as DIB sits at a small table._

DIB  
Not having to fight him would be nice. 

ZIM  
How about we play video games and I promise I won’t cheat. I will watch all your favorite episodes of Mysterious Mysteries.

DIB  
No! What I’m thinking. I can’t be friends with Zim! At least not this Zim imposter! I have to turn him back!

_DIB continues mixing concoctions until finally he has a vial with green liquid. He lifts it up in triumph._

DIB  
Yes! This will work!

_DIB turns to pour the liquid on ZIM. ZIM backs away._

ZIM  
Don’t you want to be best friends? I can’t let you pour that on me because that wouldn’t be nice if I wasn’t nice!

DIB  
No! This isn’t you Zim!

_ZIM continues to run around the lab. DIB chases him. ZIM grabs a scalpel and backs into a corner._

DIB  
You can’t use that on me, Zim! That wouldn’t be nice.

ZIM  
Oh you’re right. 

_ZIM drops the scalpel and DIB splashes the green liquid on ZIM._

DIB  
Say something Zim.

ZIM  
Say what? Argh, get this disgusting green goo off of me, Dib-stink!

DIB  
You don’t know how glad I am to hear you say that! 

ZIM  
Wait, I’m no longer filled with disgusting kindness! I am superior Zim again! And now I can destroy you as always! Good work Dib! 

DIB  
Yes, try and stop me you ugly alien! Wait, did you just say ‘good work’ after becoming your old self?

ZIM  
You lie! I would never compliment you!

DIB  
Eh, well at least everything is back to normal.

_THE SCENE FADES OUT AND THE EPISODE ENDS._


End file.
